2014: The Year I Sucked

I’m come to the shocking understanding that the reason the year 2014 was such absolute shit, is because I was absolute shit.

*Minion voice* Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

Yup. You read that right. I was absolute shit.

Why do I say that? ‘Cause this year so much things are happening for me! I left my shit job because it was driving me to a nervous breakdown. That was scary but it pushed me to actually going about getting another job because my safety net was gone. At the moment I have another job but because the place isn’t completely built yet, I haven’t started. I’m okay with this because I’m interviewing for a job I really want (cruise line….Rina tryna be on a boat bitches!!!). If I don’t happen to get this job, well I have the first job to fall back on. I applied for college, AND FUCKING GOT IN!!!!!

This year has barely started and I’ve already had these amazing things happen because on January 1st, 2015, I decided to leave all the negative bullshit in 2014. I decided to be fucking positive and do things. Stop dragging my ass and FUCKING GET SHIT DONE!

This is how I know that 2014 sucked because I sucked.

Oh no! I have no money/savings! So stop spending money on unnecessary shit. But this would help alleviate my boredom.

This job is driving me fucking INSANE!! So find a new job so you can quit. But no one wants to hire me cause I’m a loser.

I wanna go back to school. So apply. But I fucked up at school the first time around and they’re gonna look at that and not want me.

These were just a few of my internal monologues that went on in my head during the year of 2014. Not nice, right? Two words:

1. Never
2. Again

…okay well I’m gonna try for this to never happen again. No promises.

My internal monologue sucked and I knew it sucked but I let it just drag me down and fuck me over. So this year I’m trying a ting. I’m trying positivity.

I shit you not, I struggled for a few days. Like, all of a sudden, everyone just sucked and everything was stupid and I literally had to choose positivity in all those situations. I actually hit a [figurative] wall one day and just felt depressed. I think my mental space and emotions were just adjusting so that one day was necessary.

I need to remember to keep these feelings and this motivation and conviction. I like it. A lot more good things happen when I’m like this lol

Let’s stay tune to see if Rina keeps this up!

#ThoseRinaRantsDoe

AHHH! Change Is Coming!!!

Okay so I’m not afraid of change or anything. I actually love change! The change that’s about to happen tho…

Sooo as I’ve ranted before, I absolutely HATE my job. Oh wait, did I say hate? I meant absolutely despise with every breathe and every fart. So, y’know, just a likkle bit.

In an attempt to change that, I’ve decided to do something drastic that I told myself NOT to do: I’m quitting without finding another job first…

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

I know that sounds really irresponsible and it sorta is but I cannot stand another minute in that place, let alone however many days/months til I find a new job. I actually woke up one morning, went to work, and opened the store. After about 10 second, I realized that I hated being there so much that it was starting to strongly affect me mentally, which was causing physical pains as well. Y’all don’t know me but I’m prone to depression and I know that when I get to this stage, I’m 5 seconds away from having a breakdown.

How this breakdown is going to manifest? I have no idea. It could be just me breaking down in tears one day, either at work or at home; it could be me blowing the fuck up and getting seriously anger, almost to the point of violence at work (my Boss usually leaves me feeling angry when she’s around); it could be that I’m actually having a breakdown now by just up and saying, as of Jan. 31st, I no longer work there. I have no fucking clue.

I do know, however, that I will NOT be working there as of Feb. 1st.

Now on to some exciting news:

I HAVE 2 JOB PROSPECTS!!! (I also don’t actually know if “prospects” is the correct word to use…oh well)

Okay so, the place I work for now? There’s a new store opening in the airport. Since all the stores are franchise, therefore independently owned, it’s not about getting transferred. I actually need to go and apply, which I did. I was an idiot tho and didn’t check my email until days later and realised that the owner had messaged me back the next day, asking about getting me in for an interview. Forgive me, but I’m used to people calling you for interviews. I message her quickly saying I’m so sorry and that I was busy and I gave her all my availabilities for interview times. I’m going to New Orleans next week, which I explained to her, and she said let her know when I get back so we can get an interview in after. I’m hopeful lol

Next job “prospect,” is FOR A FUCKING CRUISE LINE!!! (Can you tell I really want this one?) I get email notifications for when they’re recruiting for positions and I thought “why the fuck not?” Sent off my resume. This time tho, I was smart. Checked my email twice the next day. Got an email asking to schedule a skype interview and to pick a time slot. If I wasn’t working on Monday, I would have chosen the earliest Monday time. As it stands, I have the earliest Tuesday time and I’ll be damned if I don’t wake up like 2 hrs ahead, just to shower, eat, and look fancy for a skype interview. Only small [potential] drawback is that the larger interview/hiring happens on the 19th and that’s the day I get back from New Orleans. If I make it thru the skype interview, I’m hoping that the stuff happening on the 19th takes all day so I can still get there after landing, or the lady likes me enough to compromise time slots.

This is so scary and exciting, it’s ridiculous. Honestly, even tho I SERIOUSLY want the cruise job, I will settle for either just so I’m not completely jobless when I leave where I work now. That would be great and I’d still have kept my promise to myself 🙂

Wish me luck?

#ThoseRinaRantsTho

Does My Presence Offend You?

Umm…I don’t really know why this is a thing, but it is. I don’t think I’m that horrible of a person, and if, whatever the situation, I visible and most obviously am horrible, then I can understand why my presence offends. But when you don’t even know me??

Maybe my bitch face game strong…I just don’t know, man

I actually try to move through life as a nice person. I don’t mind helping random strangers out, making random friends by striking up friendly convo, or just offering a smile. I will sit there and listen to my friends rant and cry and genuinely offer love and support and, if I can in anyway, help.

But then there are those people who just don’t like me for NO reason…or at least no reason they’re telling anyone. Damn, at least let a bitch know! How did I hurt you? Anger you? Was I hungry? If I was, I wholeheartedly apologize for anything I said or did while hangry…

But, if all I did was smile, or be really friendly, or just look cute, you need to stop and re-evaluate your own damn life.

If you’re ever offended by my presence, make sure I NEVER find out. I liken that shit to you putting power in my hands. I now have the power to  fuck with your emotions or fuck up your day just by existing.

I will smile in your face, be your best friend, love the shit outta you, all to piss you right the fuck off. And guess what?? I won’t even be wasting my energy on it. I’m a be amused as fuck, like:

“Hey Felicia! How you doin, gorgeous?”

“I’m fine.” [Proceeds to get upset by my cheerfulness]

“Yes you are! I hope you have a good day! Bye Felicia!”

I know I can be an asshole at times, but it’s only if you started it. I choose to only send out positivity and happiness because I feel, by doing so, I call it back to me. Not gonna lie though, there are people who try and make this a reverse situation. They don’t know me and my struggles though. I’ll go ghost on you faster than Casper and be gone quicker a McChicken sitting in front a hungry fat kid…

I refuse to have my energy drained by fools, and I choose to surround myself with people who make me happy. I will do the same for them, no matter what. Sometimes, you don’t know when you’re being siphoned or poisoned by those you hold close to your heart. When you realize it, don’t be afraid to protect yourself and drop those people. It will hurt for a bit, once they’re gone. Some people try to fix those relationships and that’s okay. Some people actually succeed! When you don’t though, it’s okay. You’ve gotta look out for your own health (this includes, but isn’t limited to mental health) before you can look out for anyone else. This is what I do.

If my presence offends you, I’m sorry…that’s not my problem though, is it?

#ThoseRinaRantsDoe